NWT Communities duped by eco-thug

Much transpired over my week off on the Embarrassingly Amateur Golf Tour (EAGT).

In my absence, a renegade band of root and berry-eating Capital City councillors invaded my little town.

Cave-in Kennedy and a few other anemic little vegans foisted their disapproval over the oil sands and decided a resolution passed by the Northwest Territories Association of Communities (NWTAC) might help halt new development.

“This is a life or death situation for people of the North,” Kennedy mewled, his lower lip quivering.

The resolution calls on the Government of the Northwest Territories to ask the Government of Alberta to halt new oil sands approvals until it negotiates an enforceable trans-boundary water agreement with the NWT. 

The Athabasca and Slave River systems have become the most-tested water bodies in North America, but that doesn't stop the eco-thugs from spreading their campaign of fear, misinformation and outright lies. 

Without any facts or data to support them, Councillors Kennedy, Sheel-argh Montgomery and the rest of the protein-deprived knobs at Ecology North are claiming elevated arsenic levels, cancer-causing agents and imminent doom for anyone living downstream of the oil sands.

All 33 communities bought into this steaming pile and voted in favour of the resolution.

In response, Alberta Premier Ed Stalmach was nonplused and to the point.

“Northwest what? Tell them they can go fuck themselves,” Stelmach said.

Fire, brimstone and bitumen

In a bizarre attempt to garner some media attention, the environmental movement south of 60 sought divine intervention this week, when they mobilized a group of Alberta Quakers to make a pilgrimage to the Athabasca oil sands.

Guess what? The Communist Broadcasting Corp. in Yellowknife were eager to inform us of this “revelation.”

Joslyn Oosenbrug, the latest host of Breaking Wind, the CBC morning show, interviewed the representative of the Quakers about the ethics and morals of providing northern families a decent living.

The script was obviously written by Green Julie, the Sierra Club's bingo caller and the chief propagandist for the O’Reilly Foundation for Northern Poverty. The questions were leading and obviously anti-oilsands. For instance, the reporter continually asked the Quaker if she thought the oil sands were “the devil’s work.”

Things seemed to be going along well enough until Ms. Oosenbrug strayed a few times from the script and actually called the bitumen resource “oil sands,” rather than the erroneous “tar sands” terminology preferred by environmentalists. Even the woman from the Quakers started referring to them as “oil sands.”

You could hear Green muttering in the background of the studio.

“It’s TAR SANDS, you idiot!”

After the third mention of “oil sands” you could hear screaming and an obvious scuffle taking place in the studio.

“Julie…NO!”

Loud thumping sounds, a crash, a few expletives screamed and then silence followed.

After about thirty seconds of dead air, you could hear panting and then this:

“Yea….those of you not written into the book of life shall be cast into a lake of flaming tar,” the breathless voice snarled into the microphone.

“This is Green Julie reporting, CBC news, Yellowknife.”