Backdoor Jack

On my return North, I was met with a cool reception at the Yellowknife airport.

Not only was it six degrees in Capital City, but also the scowling face of our Member of Parliament, Dennis Bevington greeted me.

“Hi Terry,” the Groucho Marxist managed and went back to pretending to read his upside-down newspaper.

Bevington, who hold the dubious distinction of having the highest travel expenses of all the MPs in Canada, was traveling to Inuvik to attend a climate change workshop with youth. I suppose scorching all the carbon credits to bring all the youth together is one thing, but for Bevington to use that as an excuse to do some campaigning was laughable.

Harper was making his annual trip across the three territories, so this was the cue for all the parties to try to “out North” each other in some pre-election campaigning.

While it rained federal money in Nunavut, the orange and red button-wearing western territories got crumbs swept from the table. The spoils of war, I suppose. That’s what you get for voting for a spectator.

In celebration of a real candidate for the Liberals in Western Arctic, even Iggy made his first appearance across the 60th parallel with a quick junket into Capital City. I suppose he had to be put up at Handley’s place, because the Libs still have bills outstanding at every Yellowknife hotel.

Handley took advantage of the situation to slam the Cons on unsigned land claims, despite having slammed the Akaitcho Chiefs for the same thing just a couple years ago.

“You haven’t signed off one word of your land claim,” Handley scolded the Chiefs. “Not one word.”

Elizabeth May might have attended the climate change youth thing too, but she ran out of train tracks in Whitehorse. After a barbeque of edamame beans, May told the wan-looking crowd of her Arctic Strategy.

“In our view, Canada’s sovereignty ... is best exemplified by commitment to communities, to environmental protection in the Arctic, to paying attention to being a constant presence in the region.”

If that makes any sense to you, you better get some seared red meat or bologna in you, stat.

Faced with party bankruptcy and the sure loss of seats for the CCF, Taliban Jack struck a backroom deal with Iggy, whereby Jack will back the Cons to avoid going to an election, so that Iggy can put on his tough boy pants for the cameras.

Following the backroom meeting at Stornoway, Comrade Jack rode the party bicycle over to 24 Sussex, where he made a backroom deal with Harper. In exchange for a wood pellet-burning day care bus for Toronto Danforth, Jack will side with the Cons to avoid an election.

“I'm not making any backroom deals with the Prime Minister,” Layton lied later to eye-rolling reporters. “There's nothing strange, or behind the scenes involved here. I'm simply suggesting that the decision about whether there's an election is the Prime Minister's decision.”